25 July 2011 - The Diagnose - Autism

25 July 2011 - Meeting with child psychiatrist Doctor Hajah Fauzi Binti Ismail at General Hospital Kuala Lumpur.
On this day, we were told that Iman is autistic... as simple as that...In a way I hated the word `autism' being spoken to me by the psychiatrist... well, to her (the psychiatrist) the word may not mean anything, may be because not involving her own child !  But to a mother (me), of course the word mean `the world', the future of my child... even though I had read a lot about it, watch videos about autistic children, in other words I tried to prepare myself but still being told that my child is autistic kind of shocking and time is definitely needed for me to digest.  The word just refused to sunk in my brain. For a moment, my world black out, in a blink of an eye I just stared at Iman...lost for word.  I was in denial.  The psychiatrist tried to ease my `disappointment'.  I told her, I am worried about Iman future.  She told me that's what she was telling me... to continue what we are doing now, early intervention - OCCT/Speech theraphy ... the question is, is it enough?  With the appointment once every 2 - 3 months ? She told me Iman is only 3, we have lots of time to prepare for her... easy for her to say huh... she reminded us that there's no cure or medicine for autism... and never believe in the products sold in the market... I knew that but surely we can do something at least to help stimulate the brain to reduce the symptoms of autism... ahhh I need support group... God help me... I read about people feeding their child with fish oil etc... I tried that before.  May be I should think about how I can make her take the fish oil ... but come to think about it, she's only 3...
At the end of the session, Iman came up to the psychiatrist with saying `hi hi bye bye' and shake and kiss her hands.  The next appointment was set in another 4 months.  At first she set for another 6 months but may be looking at me being so worried, she changed it to be in 4 months.  Is this helpful ? I just don't know..
I have a lot of thinking to be done... may Allah guide us and help us all the way.
But the most heartbreaking question was when the psychiatrist asked me `had you registered her as a disable person?'  Of course, I had not done such thing ... at least not yet... I was sad and angry !!!
The most hateful thing to know when you have a child who is autistic is the chances of your child being labeled as one..

Yesterday, Iman also attended her OCCT (before the psychiatrist session) but with a new staff because Mrs Ee was on MC.  The new staff was on his first day at work (his first job).  He (I refer to him as the boy because he's too young) apologized for not being able to do the best with Iman.  Well I told him that's okay I understand.  At first Iman refused to come in the room and there were a bit of tears.  I went in the room and she followed.  There were few people in there (well the hospital has limited space).  The other patient was a spastic 11 year old boy.  Looking at him of course I am thankful Iman was as normal as she can be.  Thank you Allah.  There, Iman cheeks were pinched, Iman's body was `massaged'.  They can't help themselves.  `Geram tengok dia, badan dia, comelnya dia'.  Iman was considered as one cute and chubby toddler.  She was kissed too... The psychiatrist also said `Comelnya bukan main lagi'. Well, the name Zarifah means beautiful and intelligent. 
As usual Iman still showing difficulty in focusing... short attention span.  Her eyes (and hands and feet) always roaming about the room looking and searching for other things she can play with instead of focusing on the things and job that she had to do with the therapist.
The boy was having a challenging time with his first `cute and chubby' patient.  There were tears and screaming during the session.
At the end of the session Iman just `pushed up' her cheek to the boy to kiss instead of her shaking hands with him as told to.  That brought smile to the other patients' relatives waiting there.

Journey home was quiet... I was thinking...I guess my husband was thinking too...
Iman fell asleep...Iman must be tired walking around the hospital while waiting to be called in and the sun was blazing hot.